...sigh...I'm really confused...I just don't know... I think I'm scared to open myself up to a girl because I'm scared of getting dicked over again...Why can't a girl be completely single....like no other guys like her or she's not talking to anyone else... I'm scared of not being the only one for a girl, because I'm so freaked out by that shit...the past is keeping me from my future and it sux!...I'm never shy...so I don't really understand myself right now... Has anyone else ever went out with someone and they were so beautiful you were just lost with words?... I didn't know what to say....which is wierd because I usually have too much to say...i don't really know but i felt a little uneasy just because another guy's name came up...well we weren't talking about him for long...just i don't know, I have a hard time believing if a girl is paying attention to me...I'm just so scared on whose smile to trust....I believe everyones smile...whether it be a true sincere smile of serenity or a deceitful smile of disgust....my past experiences are taking punches at me...... I wish I acted myself that night...I think I could take a liking to the girl I went out with...but I think I scared her off with my silence... Hopefully her and I can hang out again and I'll act myself...the crazy, party startin, loud, funny guy everyone knows me as..well I'm out...